I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
