found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize