There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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