Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
