A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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