She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
