It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
