This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
This is the high leading the old right now
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
