The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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