I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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