I think I am morally bankrupt
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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