I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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