I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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