Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize