i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
