Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You are the jesus of drinking
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
