matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
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