Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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