I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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