the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Randomize
