I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
