nut hugger
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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