Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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