Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
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