I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
