Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
