There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
and she was petting her beer can
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
