What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
