dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Randomize
