i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
