Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You dont lie about slip and slides
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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