i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
