the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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