there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
