so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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