how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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