When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
