they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
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