All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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