I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
