If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
