Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
