Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
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And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
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I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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