i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
