Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
