I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
