She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
