My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
