im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
