Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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