Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
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Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
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How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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