He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
