I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
