He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
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I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
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We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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