ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
