i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
