So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
