I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
