when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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