they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
