Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
