he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My feet surprised me
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
