her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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