Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
