Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
