its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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