I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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