How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I think I just sharted jello shots
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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