Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
