you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
