check it out our google latitudes are spooning
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
