No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i came on her dog
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
