I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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