Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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