We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You made out with two different species that night
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
