when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
