so explain again why im purple
no
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
